I apologize in advance what is going to be a self indulgent post, but I just want to get down how I'm feeling to try and clear my head. The black cloud of depression hit me with a clout again and I've seemed to have spent the last couple of days curled up in a ball crying. There isn't a big major reason but I know I've been getting low for the last few weeks but kept doing my normal habit of batting it away and trying to ignore it. I thing alot of small things have just built up like a snowball affect and in the end my head said enough I need a break. Anyway, I've woken up now and I like I said in the title I just feel fragile but I'll pick myself up like always.
I've decided to be kind to myself this weekend and try to refocus on what I enjoy. From losing Bru in September I think I've tried to keep busy to stop myself thinking and with having to go to the hospital twice a week and various bits of upsetting news, I'v just pushed myself that bit too far. In hinesight which is always a marvellous thing, deciding to have the whole house decorated right now probly wasn't the best timeing. Still it will / is starting to look nice, the hall is now done, as is the front porch and both seem to make the area look lighter. The kitchen is underway and the living rooms will be next, then think I might call a halt on the bedrooms till after the festive season.
I had loads of plans to decorate up for Halloween but they have all gone to pot. I haven't really done much crafting apart from the things I needed to do for swaps since losing Bru, nothing for myself. I can't even get to most of my craft stuff or dollshouses as it's behind all the things I've put in that room while we decorate the other rooms. Thats how it is though so going to have to make the best of things for now, the best thing about festivals is that they come around each year so all these ideas I've got for Halloween will just have to wait till next year. I'm just going to decorate my little shelve with a few cheap bits I got from the supermarket and enjoy the seasonal blog parties I've joined up to and take part in them. The one good thing about the past month is I'm happy how I've altered my blogs. I am going to do some crafting for myself this weekend even if it's only digital or using the stuff I can put my hands on.
Winter Nights is soon, and then my thoughts can turn to Yule. Old plans may not have worked, but then I've learnt that life likes to throw us curves now and then, the only thing to do is make new plans and go forward. Fragile maybe but I'm back on my feet now.